Skip to content


Advanced search
Board indexLogin Register FAQ Search

Jokes Please?

Due to the popularity of said games, we are setting aside this area of the forum for all you Wishbone Ash gamers out there. All previously posted games in "Outward Bound" have been move to this location. Play on!
Post a reply
249 posts • Page 23 of 25 • 1 ... 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby theory on Tue Aug 28, 2012 3:35 pm

A Scotsman dressed in full highland military regalia marches into a drugstore and places a tattered prophylactic on the counter. It's torn and misshapen and bears evidence of crude prior repairs. He looks the bewildered druggist in the eye and asks "Kin ye fix it?" After overcoming the initial waves of shock and disgust, the man peruses the item from a safe distance and says, "Aye, I believe so." "How much?" asks the soldier. “75 pence,” the man stammers, hastily adding “but there'll be no guarantee o' the result” while shuddering at the images swirling inside his head. “And how much fer a new one?” comes the stern demand. “One pound,” comes the wistful reply. Several minutes pass as the somber highlander considers the matter, pacing back and forth, hands clasped behind him. Finally, and with obvious reluctance, he reaches into a pouch and withdraws a crumpled note, slams it on the counter and announces: “The rrregiment will rrreplace.”
in the basement mixing up the medicine
theory
 
Posts: 541
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:24 pm
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby Moonpaths on Wed Aug 29, 2012 12:15 am

:lol: :roll: :o :shock:
Take it back
Take it back
Claim your life and take it back
User avatar
Moonpaths
 
Posts: 1306
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:21 am
Location: New Mexico, USA
  • Website
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby Andrew W on Wed Sep 19, 2012 11:55 am

My best friend died of heartburn yesterday.

Poor Gav is gone.
Andrew W
 
Posts: 268
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 7:21 pm
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby Rainer Frilund on Wed Sep 19, 2012 1:25 pm

Andrew W wrote:My best friend died of heartburn yesterday.

Poor Gav is gone.


:?: :?: :?: :| :| :| :) :shock: :o :lol: :lol: :lol:

Above is the symbolic presentation of my thoughts
after reading Andrew's joke. Had to read it out loud
to get the joke. Same stuff is available here in Finland
too.
Best Wishes - Best Bones!

Rainer Frilund
Kokkola, Finland
User avatar
Rainer Frilund
 
Posts: 574
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:09 pm
Location: Kokkola, Finland
  • Website
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby Andrew W on Fri Sep 21, 2012 3:11 pm

Rainer - glad you got there in the end!!!
Andrew W
 
Posts: 268
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 7:21 pm
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby Nizzy on Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:30 pm

Auld Bob lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from Elsie, his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon, angrily brandished by his wife...

"Fuck off, you!" said Elsie.

"They're for the funeral."
User avatar
Nizzy
 
Posts: 1889
Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:58 pm
Location: Between Paddy's Milestone and The Dear Green Place.
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby spider on Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:34 pm

Nizzy wrote:Auld Bob lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from Elsie, his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon, angrily brandished by his wife...

"Fuck off, you!" said Elsie.

"They're for the funeral."
Damn, I thought you was talking about Billy. :lol:
User avatar
spider
 
Posts: 1460
Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 5:58 pm
Location: United States of Mexico
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby boneidol on Wed Nov 21, 2012 10:13 pm

I went up into the loft to get down the Christmas decorations,when i found a present i should've given the boy last year.Shame,he would've loved that puppy.......
SUFC OK! What's wrong with The First Division anyway?
boneidol
 
Posts: 354
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 9:48 pm
Location: West Cumbria,England.
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby ashhead on Thu Nov 29, 2012 5:55 pm

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the
box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box,
then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do,
we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's
have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
searching for the perfect moment in time
User avatar
ashhead
 
Posts: 635
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:58 pm
Location: Kansas City, KS.
Top

Re: Jokes Please?

Postby spider on Thu Nov 29, 2012 10:09 pm

Absolutely hilarious. Good one Ron. :lol:
User avatar
spider
 
Posts: 1460
Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 5:58 pm
Location: United States of Mexico
Top

PreviousNext

Post a reply
249 posts • Page 23 of 25 • 1 ... 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

Return to Song Games and Such

Who is online

Registered users: No registered users

  • Board index
  • The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Theme made by Matti & jacoSZEF, profesjonalne pozycjonowanie stron www
cron